Havana, Cuba

VIVA HAVANA!

If someone was to mention visiting Cuba on vacation twenty, thirty, or forty years ago, there would be gasps of surprise. Today, though, it's starting to become not such a big deal anymore. I'd imagine if you'd ask 50 random people on the streets, most likely none have been to Cuba still, but that direction is changing. Average tourists are now allowed to fly to Cuba for the first time since before the revolution. You don't need to be a journalist, studying, or fly to Canada, then Mexico, to Panama and finally to Cuba.

Cuba's always excited me ever since I constructed a project on Fidel Castro in 9th grade. I have to say, I know he's our country's enemy (or used to be), but he's interesting and a bit of a genius. Through that project I got to know a little more about Cuba, and I fell in love with it, well as much as one can fall in love with a place thousands of miles away from their computer screen.

The atmosphere is what I can't wait to experience the most. Everyone seems to be so lively and happy in sunny Havana. I suppose that's the way they want tourists to think of Havana now, but it seems like it's always been that way. Everything about it is so different from the United States, the politics, the way of living, etc. Life is simple.

The dancing! Cubans have a great reputation of dancing. No one can beat them in the world. I imagine myself attempting those jazzy Latin moves with tap shoes and utterly failing and making myself look like a total idiot. But that's part of the fun, isn't it?

One of the thrills of Cuba is that it was so forbidden. Like I said above, no one I've ever met has been there.

Though now with the departure of the first tourist flight to Cuba a few months ago, I will not be one of the first average American tourists to visit since the revolution. That, however, does not stop my enthusiasm to step on the island of Cuba one day.

L-O-V-E

Ah l'amour!
How can the French make love sound so care free? Love is not care free, it's not easy and it's certainly not easy to understand. Love frustrates me. From Day One, we are taught to love. There are many different kinds of love. There's your love for your family, for your friends and for the world. The love you have for living. Then there's true love.

I'm seventeen and I'm not going to pretend I know anything about true love. Up until high school I imagined love would come easily. I thought I could just hop into a relationship without even trying. I learned that after my first boyfriend falling in love wasn't going to be easy. I had to try.
It was one of those awkward, freshman year "relationships" that neither him nor I (I just spent the last ten minutes figuring out if that was the correct grammar (me nor him?) (him nor me?) (he or me?) (change nor to or?) (I don't know!!) ) put much effort into. We liked each other, but any actual conversation was rare. From him I learned that I was more scared of relationships that I thought. I broke it off with only two months of dating.

I'm not confident. I won't go up to a guy and start talking or flirting with him if I like him. I've liked a few guys since him. Most went out with my best friend, including my ex-boyfriend. I became less and less confident with myself.  It was easy to curl up in a ball and cry for hours, hoping that my parents, or brother in the next room, could hear. But no one did.

This year is different. Not only have I become closer with a few friends but there's this guy....
It's always starts out like that. So there's a boy... But he's different. Different from anyone I've ever liked before. Mostly he's different because I actually talk to him and am friends with him. He makes me laugh and I can't stop smiling when I'm with him. He's sweet and kind and I can't seem to breathe when I'm around him. I felt this way about him for a few months and I can't stop, no matter what's thrown in my way. My brother's opinion, or.... the fact that he may like someone else. It's not certain, but that doesn't stop my from playing Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on My Guitar" over and over and over.

But I can't help but wonder if he likes me. He's said I'm the nicest and friendliest person he's met, and I know people say "guys aren't looking for someone nice" but I like to believe different. He always smiles when I hang out with him. Last Saturday, when I arrived at a friends house and he was there, he literally ran to hug me.

Oh, I'd like the talk about the importance of hugs. They're great. They feel great. It's like being wrapped in someone's arm without actually "being in their arms" in the romantic sense. Girls love hugs. I like to think long hugs mean something.

The two hugs we shared that night, one for my arrival and one for my departure, were longer than normal. The one we even kept one arm around each other for a little bit after that. I don't want to sound like a giddy school girl who's over reacting over two little hugs. But you don't hug someone like that without meaning anything, right?

Don't judge me. Maybe I'm overreacting. I've never felt like this and I feel as if I have to tell him. I hate talking to him in school. I'm not me in school. Being in that setting holds me back. I'm more subdued that I normally am. I suppose it's my insecurity and the fact that I think I'm being judged. He's not insecure at all and that's what I love about him, and I know the insecurity I show in school isn't helping our relationship. When we hang out outside school I'm care free and happy and laughing and smiling.

I just realized something typing this. My first sentence was a question asking why love was so care free. Without even putting it together I used the exact same word to describe how I felt when I'm around him. I'm in so much danger of falling in love with him.

-Jenny

Note: Sorry for the little rant about my "crush". Ugh, I hate that word. It's not a crush... It's not quite love but it's not just a crush. I don't want to use this as my personal diary but I just needed to get some feelings out. I'm so frustrated and confused and so undeniably happy over this I don't know what to do.

Rabba song from Mausam

I've always been a little out there. Scratch that I've never been out there. You see more expression in Kristen Stewart than me. But when it comes to music, I have a secret liking for foreign songs. Not just the French euro-techno songs but the beats of the African drum and songs from Bollywood soundtracks. Here is a song from the Bollywood film Mausam which came out earlier this year. I've yet to see it but can't wait to finish my rigorous search for the film with English subtitles. I'll let you know how it is if and when I find it.
This music video I found completely adorable. Perhaps it's the hopeless romantic in me. I think it helped me fall in love with the song because now I know what the song actually means. It makes me want to hop on a plane to India and go looking for this man. But not really. But kind of...
If you like this song, also look up Saj Dhaj Ke from the same film.